To begin with I want to mention a wonderful person, a YouTuber and an influencer Ingrid who made a vlog speaking all about, well, our vaginas, ways people treat periods and how we as women come across as those who ‘need to’ deal with menstruation in silence. Here is the link to her vlog which inspired me to talk about my own story https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8fXQJb0W-Tg.
I got my period when I was 11.5 years old, which makes it 8.5 years ago as of today. I was with my parents in Cape Town and on day one there I just woke up to getting my period. Excitement. Confussion. I didn’t know what to do so I told my Mum whose reaction was just priceless - she hugged me, gave me a pad and made me warm tea and together we went to let my Dad know, he smiled and said that he’s proud of me for being opened abiut it with him. As we had talked about the ways body grows up before I knew what was happening to me and though I wasn’t scared I felt so weird - why did it seem so surreal, would I be ‘a different’ person now? As natural as I though it was I knew things were only starting…
After the holidays I went to see a gynaecologist, I chose to see a woman instead of a man because I felt more comfortable with the idea of her seeing me naked. Why? I didn’t know. That’s how I felt. I’ve never been this stressed before, I almost started crying the night beofre because as supportive as my Parents were I had no idea what would the doctor be like. The waiting line at the doctor’s seemed never-ending and when I finally went inside the room I was blown away. I was greeted with a smile and a hug, the so-feared-doctor turned out to be one of the most amazing people I’ve ever met, she talked to me for about an hour explaining how things are going to be changing biologically, how I need to remember that period is just period, it’s just ‘dirty blood’ and it means nothing to who I am, it doesn’t validate me, it doesn’t restrict me, it just makes me biologically mature to have children. And that’s all. I’ve put my whole trust in this woman and till this day she is the one I trust with my body the most. She’s been with me through a lot, always staying supportive and honest. I enjoy the perspective of the visits because I know she will take good care after me. After almost 9 years I still see her handing me a little fluffy toy as a prize for being so brave and honest during the first visit.
At the time I didn’t know why I chose a woman. However, now I do. I know what led me to the decision. I felt safer with someone who has had a period herself and chances are she’s been judged because of that at least once. To make it clear - I am a very straight forward person and I do not perceive anything as tabboo, I do not see biological functions of organism as shamefull or gross. They are NATURAL.
My first encounter with period-judgement was soon after I got my period - I attended Family Education which talked about sex, periods, orgasms, stuff which was explained to us as ‘uncomfortable to talk about’. During the first class the boys were asked to leave and the girls who were to stay were given pads and actual cases to hide the pads ‘not to make boys feel weird’. I got furious, I asked why weren’t we given it with the boys around. The answer I heard: because it has nothing to do with them. LIKE WHAT?! Do males have no women in their lifes? Don’t they have mothers? Sisters? Daughters? LIKE WHAT?! Why were we supposed to hide the pads and tampons from them? Why was I told to be careful around boys when I’m on the period so they don’t know? The answer I heard: because they can mock You. This blew my mind - so instead of teaching 12 year old boys that it’s natural for a girl to have a period and explain why it’s actually a GOOD thing, it’s better to teach girls to feel ashamed and make them hide the fact that period is natural. Needless to say I’ve never went back to that classes.
Second encounter was a couple of months later - I got my period during classes and had to visit the bathroom. I asked my teacher whether I may leave for bathroom whilst I held a make-up bag with tissues and pads. Teacher said I sure may but I can’t take the pouch with me because ‘it’s a bathroom not a shop to carry a bag’. I got so confused and after thinking for a second I took my pad and tissues out, left the pouch on the desk and left. Everyone gasped when I came back, I did ‘the thing’ and as soon I sat down my mate asked me how did I not hide the pad for my period, I looked at him and responded quite loudly so even the teacher could hear ‘I got my period and needed to leave for the bathroom, it’s natural and whether I hide my pads or not the periods still exist and there’s nothing wrong with that’.
Situations like that repeated throughout years several times and after each one my surrounding got more and more divided into those who felt more comfortable around me and being opened and into those who called me ‘trash’ and ‘disrespectful for talking about something so hideous as period’. But I couldn’t care less. It’s never been me who had an issue, I only had periods!
There was one time when I actually felt incredibly uncomfortable - my supposedly first time with that one guy. I’ve had kind’a sex one time before but it was more of a children’s play not an actual intercourse. So this time, I figured I really wanted to do IT. And everything was great, we were dancing, drinking and when the time came for things to happen… I got my period. I was so surprised by getting the period early that even the guy was less shocked than I was. Long story short his reaction wasn’t exactly pleasant and I felt fully ashamed… But honestly what for? I did nothing wrong! It’s life and irregular periods happen! That situation taught me something though:
A. I REALLY don’t enjoy sex when I’m on my period and I just can’t get into the things
B. If the guy with whom the story took place still decides to hang out, he’s probably worth being in a relationship with for a year and half later on.
So as You can see, I do have an experience with periods within some of the scales.
After all sorts of things happening with my menstruation cycles let me tell You a few things I learnt by experience:
- PERIODS ARE NATURAL
- PERIODS ARE WITH YOU TO STAY
- IT’S UP TO YOU WHETHER YOU WILL BE OPENED ABOUT YOUR PERIODS, I CHOSE TO BE AND…
- THERE’S NOTHING BETTER THAN HANGING OUT WITH YOUR GUY-FRIENDS, HAVING DRINKS AND JUST GOING TO THE RESTROOM WITH A TAMPON AND TISSUES IN YOUR HAND INSTEAD OF A FULL PURSE
- ONCE YOU OPEN UP ABOUT PERIODS PEOPLE WILL FOLLOW, MY FRIENDS AND I ARE VERY HONEST AND REAL WITH EACH OTHER, IF WE ARE ON OUR PERIODS WE WILL TELL EACH OTHER AND DISCUSS THINGS WITH LITTLE TO NO LIMITS
- TALK ABOUT YOUR SEXUAL PREFERENCES WHEN ON PERIOD WITH PEOPLE WITH WHOM YOU WANT TO HAVE SEX - IF THEY CAN’T UNDERSTAND YOU THEN PROBABLY THEY’RE NOT THE ONES TO MAKE LOVE TO
- VISIT THE DOCTOR REGULARLY, FIND SOMEONE YOU TRUST AND GO WITH THE FLOW (see what I did ther hah)
- ASK YOUR DOCTOR QUESTIONS LIKE THERE’S NO TOMORROW, IT’S OK TO WANT TO KNOW MORE
- TRY PADS, TRY TAMPONS, TRY MENSTRUAL CUPS - WHATEVER IS SAFE AND MAKES YOU FEEL GOOD
- APPRECIATE YOURSELF AND YOUR PERIOD BECAUSE YOU ARE AMAZING
- YOUR VAGINA ROCKS!
